"I have this feeling that I'm not myself anymore. It's hard to put into words but I guess it's like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling." - Haruki Murakami
For a while now (months really), I feel like I've been in this downward spiral. I don't know where my life is going at this point. I have become a very hard and cynical person, creating this barrier around me that even I don't know how to break down. It seems like everything around me is falling apart. It's hard because I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm not a very open person and prefer to keep things to myself. One of my biggest fears is asking for help. I don't know why, but I've always been like this. Sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning, because I know the day is not going to enjoyable. I just want to get back to my old self again. Today, my dad gave me a Buddha statue. He told me to rub its belly everyday and it would bring me joy and good luck. I'm really hoping he's right.