"I have this feeling that I'm not myself anymore.  It's hard to put into words but I guess it's like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again.  That sort of feeling." - Haruki Murakami

For a while now (months really), I feel like I've been in this downward spiral.  I don't know where my life is going at this point.  I have become a very hard and cynical person, creating this barrier around me that even I don't know how to break down.  It seems like everything around me is falling apart.  It's hard because I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to.  I'm not a very open person and prefer to keep things to myself.  One of my biggest fears is asking for help.  I don't know why, but I've always been like this.  Sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning, because  I know the day is not going to enjoyable.  I just want to get back to my old self again.  Today, my dad gave me a Buddha statue.  He told me to rub its belly everyday and it would bring me joy and good luck.  I'm really hoping he's right.